Ok. So I lied. It’s not a brand new concept. It’s been around for ages but looks like some leaders seem to have forgotten of the existence of this age old skill, a skill we can develop once again. To master it, there are no short cuts. It takes a lot of practice and with enough practice, as Ed Brodow points out in his book about negotiations, we become “Active Listeners”.

Active listening requires patience. Brodow reminds us in his book that Communication is, contrary to what we all are taught from a young age, is not about getting your point across. Instead, it is the art of shutting up. I think that’s a neat trick to become effective communicators – just remember to shut up. Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? Unfortunately for us, that seems to be the toughest part. I am not an active listener. In conversations, I am always so eager to put my point across that I almost always catch myself saying “Sorry for interrupting but…” and in retrospective I wish I hadn’t. Well, wishing isn’t going to be enough but the following tricks will start us on the right track in conversations:

1. (repeat) Remember to Shut Up

2. Ask Questions (keeps us engaged)

3. Make Eye Contact (make the connection)

4. (and my favorite) The Imaginary Conversation Ball

Let me tell you about the imaginary conversation ball. A friend taught me this one and not only does this help us from hijacking a conversation, its also so much fun. This is a good one to help practice and develop our listening skills.

Imagine there is a ball. When you start speaking, you are holding the ball. Then pass the ball to the other person when you are done saying what you wanted to say. Let the other person speak without interrupting and wait until the ball is passed back to you. It a fun way to communicate but it is also tough because you will have this urge to talk. But don’t, till its you turn. Try it. It works.

So there. Let’s bring listening back into our conversations and work our way to removing the communication disconnect.

Thank you for listening.

Your Body Speaks

Communication is key for any relationship to work, be it a professional relationship or personal. But most, if not all, issues in our lives can be attributed to a disconnect in communication.

Regardless of the situation or the environment, it is this leader’s responsibility to enable effective communication. In a family, for instance, it is the responsibility of the head of the household to ensure that problems are discussed and resolved immediately. Similarly in a work environment or a project, the Manager must ensure that the team follows the communication protocol set forth in the communication plan. Yes, there has to be a formal communication plan — one that talks about the point of contacts and their responsibilities, the communication workflow, the escalation process, tools we would use, dependencies, stakeholder expectations, etc. Unfortunately we don’t always have one and this leads us to assume and get confused, be misinformed, ego clashes… gradually leading to a communication disconnect.

So, what can we do?

1. Assume Less, Know More! Can We?
2. Who’s Listening, Really! Are You?
3. SPOCs – The Change Agents
4. Socialize Your Way Forward

In my upcoming posts, I will focus on the above 4 topics and share my thoughts on what we may be able to do to remove this disconnect in our work lives (not qualified to preach on my personal life yet) and I will touch upon some of the drawbacks. While I am at it, share you comments and thoughts on any or all of them and I will include you name in the credits for the next post. Deal?

Is there a communication disconnect in your project or at work? Why do you think it happens?

I was taking a mandatory training on Body Language. Before I took it, I was thinking to myself “What more can an online training on body language teach me? What I need is some advanced coaching, which is why I have joined Toastmasters. Do I really need to waste my time with basics?”. I soon realized that I did.

Did you know that 55% of our communication is non-verbal? It’s all in the language we speak with our body movements. Only 7% is verbal.

Here are 10 basic things to keep in mind on non-verbal communication:

2. Dead Arms is a sign of boredom or lack of energy. Use your arms and use them. Be animated.
3. Stooping Shoulders shows lack of confidence. Stand/Sit straight.
4. Eye Contact helps engage your audience.
5. Swaying distracts the audience. Stand still in a locked position and lean forward to have a commanding posture.
6. Fidgeting indicates nervousness and insecurity. Use your arms to deliver your message.
7. Fig Leaf stance indicates a body language of covering up of an act or an object that is embarrassing or disagreeable. Use only when you are not speaking, in wait mode.
8. At ease is a military standing posture that should be avoided. It shows a disconnect between you and your audience.
9. Props must be used only when needed, as an extension to you body.
10. Gestures with strong animated body movements is important.
11. Furnitures limit the impact of your speech. Don’t hide behind it.

Communication is crucial in project management. It is 90% of what we do in our leadership roles. Until we work on our body language basics, we are only half as good as we think we are.

I want to write a book and get it published someday (soon?). I want to be known as an author, maybe even retire as one. Not sure what i would write about though. Leadership? Management? Fiction? It’s too early to decide.

What about skills? How do I learn the skills? Are skills important? Do first time authors work on developing their skills first?

Reading is a skill writers must have and I am weak at that. Maybe that’s where I will begin. Depth of knowledge, as it was pointed out to me recently, is important or maybe even missing.

I guess I will start there then.