The Return of Listening

This is a follow-up to my post called “The Communication Disconnect” in which I wrote about how communication is going wrong in project teams today due to the absence of defined protocols. I also identified 4 areas we need to focus on to remove this disconnect. In this post, I will talk about an important trick to make communication effective, a brand new concept called Listening. Ya!

Ok. So I lied. It’s not a brand new concept. It’s been around for ages but looks like some leaders seem to have forgotten of the existence of this age old skill, a skill we can develop once again. To master it, there are no short cuts. It takes a lot of practice and with enough practice, as Ed Brodow points out in his book about negotiations, we become “Active Listeners”.

Active listening requires patience. Brodow reminds us in his book that Communication is, contrary to what we all are taught from a young age, is not about getting your point across. Instead, it is the art of shutting up. I think that’s a neat trick to become effective communicators – just remember to shut up. Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? Unfortunately for us, that seems to be the toughest part. I am not an active listener. In conversations, I am always so eager to put my point across that I almost always catch myself saying “Sorry for interrupting but…” and in retrospective I wish I hadn’t. Well, wishing isn’t going to be enough but the following tricks will start us on the right track in conversations:

1. (repeat) Remember to Shut Up

2. Ask Questions (keeps us engaged)

3. Make Eye Contact (make the connection)

4. (and my favorite) The Imaginary Conversation Ball

Let me tell you about the imaginary conversation ball. A friend taught me this one and not only does this help us from hijacking a conversation, its also so much fun. This is a good one to help practice and develop our listening skills.

Imagine there is a ball. When you start speaking, you are holding the ball. Then pass the ball to the other person when you are done saying what you wanted to say. Let the other person speak without interrupting and wait until the ball is passed back to you. It a fun way to communicate but it is also tough because you will have this urge to talk. But don’t, till its you turn. Try it. It works.

So there. Let’s bring listening back into our conversations and work our way to removing the communication disconnect.

Thank you for listening.

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