Ok. So I lied. It’s not a brand new concept. It’s been around for ages but looks like some leaders seem to have forgotten of the existence of this age old skill, a skill we can develop once again. To master it, there are no short cuts. It takes a lot of practice and with enough practice, as Ed Brodow points out in his book about negotiations, we become “Active Listeners”.

Active listening requires patience. Brodow reminds us in his book that Communication is, contrary to what we all are taught from a young age, is not about getting your point across. Instead, it is the art of shutting up. I think that’s a neat trick to become effective communicators – just remember to shut up. Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? Unfortunately for us, that seems to be the toughest part. I am not an active listener. In conversations, I am always so eager to put my point across that I almost always catch myself saying “Sorry for interrupting but…” and in retrospective I wish I hadn’t. Well, wishing isn’t going to be enough but the following tricks will start us on the right track in conversations:

1. (repeat) Remember to Shut Up

2. Ask Questions (keeps us engaged)

3. Make Eye Contact (make the connection)

4. (and my favorite) The Imaginary Conversation Ball

Let me tell you about the imaginary conversation ball. A friend taught me this one and not only does this help us from hijacking a conversation, its also so much fun. This is a good one to help practice and develop our listening skills.

Imagine there is a ball. When you start speaking, you are holding the ball. Then pass the ball to the other person when you are done saying what you wanted to say. Let the other person speak without interrupting and wait until the ball is passed back to you. It a fun way to communicate but it is also tough because you will have this urge to talk. But don’t, till its you turn. Try it. It works.

So there. Let’s bring listening back into our conversations and work our way to removing the communication disconnect.

Thank you for listening.

This year, you’ll certainly find that the more you give the more you get. 

If you, like me, are wondering about resolutions for the new year… wait! Take a time out and click on the link below to read Seth’s new eBook “What Matters Now” where he and his blogger/author friends share what they think matters most in 2010. And if you think you know what to expect, you will be pleasantly surprised. I was.

What Matters Now

Creating ways for people to solve their own problems isn’t just an opportunity in 2010. It is an obligation. 

Until Fear is gone, (and realize he may never completely leave) make the decision to be courageous.

The book made me do something else too, which I normally don’t do but sure am glad I did. I emailed the author, John Blumberg, and shared my views with him. As I had hoped, John responded. It is my honor to share with you the words of the author himself. 

From: John Blumberg [mailto:johnblumberg@keynoteconcepts.com]

Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 7:19 PM

To: raj@lap31.com

Subject: RE: My Wake Up Call

 

Raj …

 

Thank you, so much, for your most kind follow-up email.  I apologize it has taken me so long to get back with you.  I got significantly behind on emails in trying to take off some time for the Holidays and am just now making a dent in getting caught back-up!

 

I am so glad that you found Silent Alarm to be a meaningful read!  And I am excited that you have created a new section on your website titled “My Journal.”  I enjoyed reading your YES MAN and YOUR SILENT ALARM entries!

 

This life does pull us in many directions, yet I am convinced we can improve our experience when we live in a more intentional way.  To make it work, it is likely to be an ongoing initiative since we likely never arrive at finally being on top of all of it!

 

Thanks again for taking the time to reach out with your experience in reading Silent Alarm.  Your email truly made my day!

 

I wish you the very best in this New Year and experience many blessings … seen and unseen!

John

 

John’s NEW BLOG SITE: 

http://johnblumberg.typepad.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check-out John’s book … Silent Alarm.

Join the busy professionals around the world

who are waking-up to this parable of hope!

See the details at www.keynoteconcepts.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

John Blumberg, CSP

Keynote Concepts, Inc.

 

johnblumberg@keynoteconcepts.com (email)

www.keynoteconcepts.com (web)

http://twitter.com/johnblumberg (twitter)

 

It is a story of a busy professional, Jack, who has no time for his family, friends or himself because he is always chasing deadlines. An accident leaves him with no choice but to stop and reflect back on his life to see what he has become. With every page I turned I began to realize that this story is about me, written a few years from now.

It would be wrong to say that I am as busy as Jack was before the accident. But that’s just because my new life has been less demanding. It will change. This is not the norm. The norm is to rely on drive-thru’s and fast food, online shopping and net banking, and all the luxuries that enable me to spend more time at work. I don’t have time to love or be loved. I think twice before helping a friend in need. I care less for the simple things in life. I procrastinate. I don’t prioritize. My life is nothing but items on a to-do list. 

Silent Alarm gives me hope that even I can change; that it’s never too late to try; that there is an angel watching out for all of us and when the time is right I will hear the angel’s voice. The angel will help me see “what” I have become and “who” I need to be.

It took 12 days and 12 messages from Jack’s angel to get him on a path of true living. I don’t know how long it will take me but I have begun. I know you don’t see it and you may not for a long time. That’s because I am way off track and I am looking for directions. But I don’t feel lost anymore.

Silent Alarm is one wakeup call I can’t snooze on.

Life is not merely a race to the finish line but a journey in which we discover who we are, what we’ve become and who we need to be, as we travel through each of our laps.

A few weeks ago, you heard my cry for help with my post called “Help Me Help You Help Me“. I was calling out to you to help me change, be more productive, get things done with some discipline in my life. I thank you all for your wonderful encouraging life changing comments. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Yes, that’s exactly why.

So, here I am thinking all hope is lost when I stumbled upon a fellow AOC2 author’s e-book ‘Time Management for Creative People’ <– click that link to read/download the eBook.

The eBook by Mark McGuinness is very well written making it an easy and quick read. It is very motivating and some of the techniques can easily be put to practice. What intrigued me the most was the part where he talks about avoiding the “Sisyphus” effect and the “Do it tomorrow” idea. Interesting.

Sisyphus is a figure from the Greek mythology who was punished for his deceitful crimes. His punishment was to roll a huge rock up a steep hill, which he failed every time. Before he could reach the top of the hill, the rock would roll back down, and he has to begin again.

I think we are all descendants of Sisyphus. Don’t we all have upon us the curSe of Sisyphus to continuously battle with those never ending to-do lists, those huge rocks we want with to get rid of, only for it to find its way back to our inboxes, into our lives?

Did Sisyphus ever get out of that? I would have to dive deeper into the Greek mythology to find out. But we can. “Do it tomorrow” is how. I am trying it out and if it works, I write about it. Until then, I suggest you click on that link above and read Mark’s eBook. I highly recommend it. Let me know how it goes.