I can’t always keep a straight face when I get feedback that is not the uplifting kind. Face it, we won’t always get make-me-feel-good feedback. Wait, I take that back. We will rarely get make-me-feel-good feedback. There are a couple of reasons why and it has everything to do with the feedback-giver (for lack of a better title).
I have identified 4 kinds of feedback-givers:
Type A: Those who don’t really want to tell you things that you did great. They want to talk about what they did great, how well they did it and how good it makes them feel. It’s all about them. Btw, note that I said ‘most people’ not ‘all people’.
Type B: Those who commend you for your efforts and also point out your mistakes. I’m talking about people like your boss, your teacher, your friend, your dad, your brother or even your spouse. They try to do it perfectly. Some of them may even want you to crave a little for that feedback. It’s their way of making sure their feedback won’t go wasted, that you learn from it and make use of it to become better.
Type C: YOU. Seriously. You give yourself feedback all the time. You pat yourself on your back for that promotion you got, for meeting a deadline, for that joke you cracked that had everyone laugh out loud, etc. But there is a side effect. When you do something wrong, you dont always forgive yourself. You get eaten alive by the negative feedback you get from yourself. Sometimes, that can kill you.
I don’t envy Type A people coz they dont help me in any way. I respect Type B people. Type C is a complicated friend who can get easily influenced by situations and emotions.
There is also a Type D – the mentor. He or She is your ideal feedback-giver. We all need a mentor, to be our sound board, who is mindful of our feelings and whose prerogative is to give us the feedback we need, the good and the bad, everytime we need it, in order for us to continuously improve. This person may also be someone from Type B who could turn out to be the best candidates for that role.
Who is your feedback-giver?
Did this post ignite a thought? Join us and mirror your thoughts on the 13apples facebook fan page.
Given a choice between positive and negative feedback I’d choose the latter over the former any day. “coz it’s only then that I see new avenues for improvement. Maybe I’m getting old (hah! you wish
) but I feel I’ve crossed the point where I need approval to change my ways. Of course, good feedback is always pleasant to hear… but that’s all they are to me.. pretty words.
P.S. I think there is another category too… the ones who race each other to point out their hapless victims’ flaws. That’s constructive criticism too… depending on the way you choose to take it.
i think everyone belongs to the all of the above category because at some point of time or the other, depending on the circumstances and the person to whom the feed back is given, it is massaged to suit ones needs…so, does honest feed back really exist? may be…but very rarely. one needs to develop the skills to discern the honest ones…there are also egoistic ones who wud never give a feedback…in fact that is also a feedback , but i think they belong to the useless category anyway… so, i wud say, never be distracted by feedbacks…give it only the attention that it deserves and keep doing the things that are important…